First Impressions!

There’s a very specific social experience I have that repeats itself with the consistency of a software bug no one has patched yet:

I meet someone for the first time.
They look at me like I just told them their dog failed a math test.

And I haven’t said. A. Word.

Apparently, when I’m quiet, reserved, and processing my surroundings like a normal human being, my face broadcasts:

“This man is furious, judgmental, and possibly drafting a formal complaint in his head.”

I am not.

Well, most of the time, I am not.

I am, in fact, running the mental equivalent of Windows Safe Mode.

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The First Impression Problem

When I meet new people, I don’t immediately turn into the witty, sarcastic, animated version of myself that my friends know.

I go into Observer Mode™.

I’m scanning the room.
I’m figuring out personalities.
I’m deciding if this is a “you can be weird here” environment or a “nod politely and survive” environment.

But from the outside?

I look like I’m calculating who to eliminate first if things go south.

People think:

• I’m angry

• I’m annoyed

• I don’t want to be there

• I’m judging them

• I’m plotting

In reality, my brain is just going:

“Okay… who here seems normal… who here laughs too loud… who here is going to make this awkward… got it.”

This is not hostility.
This is social buffering.

I must admit, a lot of that is by design.

It's definitely a defense mechanism.

I need to know that I can fully be myself, BEFORE fully being myself.

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The Moment People Realize They Misread Me

There is always a turning point.

Sometimes it's as soon as 20–40 minutes in.

Other times it can take a few days, or even weeks.

Someone says something slightly unhinged, or sarcastic, or weird enough that my brain goes:

“Ah. We can be ourselves here.”

And suddenly the personality switch flips like someone just turned on the lights in a haunted house.

I start talking more.
I start joking.
The sarcasm comes out.
The commentary starts rolling.

And you can see it happen on their face:

“Oh.
Ohhhhh.
This guy is actually… fun?”

Yes.
I always was.

You just caught me during the tutorial level.

Most of my coworkers are still on that same level.

They don't even know that I speak, let alone that I actually......have friends at work?!

GASP!!!

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The Reputation That Follows Me

What’s funny is when I meet people later who say:

“I thought you hated me when we first met.”

Sir.

Ma'am.

I did not know you existed 45 minutes prior.

I was just running diagnostics.

I promise I don’t have the emotional energy to hate strangers on sight. That’s a premium feature reserved for people who chew loudly.

Although, if I find you that you like pickles BEFORE I get to know you......all bets are off.

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Why This Happens (My Completely Unscientific Theory)

I think some people start social interactions from a place of performance.

They arrive already “on.”

I do not.

I arrive in standby mode.

I don’t perform for new people. I warm up to them.

So while other people are saying:

“Hi! I’m super friendly and outgoing!”

I’m saying (internally):

“Let’s see if this is a situation where that’s worth doing.”

It’s not coldness.
It’s energy conservation.

I don’t invest personality until I know the return is safe.

Sometimes I also don't feel like I have anything meaningful to contribute to the current group conversation.

I'll end up telling myself that if I don't have anything funny, witty, sarcastic, or meaningful (to me) to the current conversation at the moment, then I'll just stay silent, keep observing and listening, and wait for an opening.

It's a pressure that I put on myself pretty much at all times around strangers.

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The Version of Me People Eventually Meet

Once I’m comfortable?

The complete opposite of the first impression.

• I talk!

• I joke!

• I'll figure out your sense of humor, and then you're done for!

• I'll turn minor observations into full bit segments!

And people go:

“This is not the guy I met earlier.”

Correct. THAT guy was running in low-power mode so THIS guy could exist later.

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The Misunderstanding I’ve Made Peace With

At this point, I don’t even try to fix it.

If someone meets me and thinks I’m angry or cold?

That’s fine.

Because the people who stick around long enough to realize they were wrong are the ones I was going to get along with anyway.

It’s almost like an accidental personality filter.

If you can survive 30 minutes of me being quiet without assuming I’m plotting your downfall, we’re probably going to be friends.

Unless you like pickles, then it's on a case-by-case basis.

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Final Thought

I’m not unfriendly.
I’m not mad.
I’m not judging you.

I’m just waiting to make sure this is a room where I can safely be the unhinged, sarcastic, overly-analytical version of myself without scaring everyone.

Give me a little time.

I promise the personality loads in!

As always, thanks for taking the time to read this, I hope you enjoyed it, and we'll do it again next week!